A Rewrite: I Think I Might Want More

a precipice space

I told you what I wanted was cliff love,

the kind full of reckless abandon and passion.

A precipice space where we could face fears of

explosions, implosions, and things of that fashion.

I thought I was craving this perilous home–

one with certainty never guaranteed.

Lived life barely prepared to stay still or to roam,

and I thought I had quashed every worry or need.

But the rain didn’t lightly sprinkle; it poured.

And I realized umbrellas just aren’t enough

as the winds all around me snarled and roared

with two feet unsteady on the edge of the bluff.

I no longer wish to be stranded up here

all alone and with you on the ledge.

Now I know that I’m not weak for having these fears,

and I know I need shelter far from the edge.

Photo by Valdemaras D. from Pexels

The original version of this poem that you can find here, has been stuck in my brain since it was “finished.” Usually, I don’t post poetry until it has sat unmodified for a little while so that I know for sure that I am happy with the final version. That poem, though, I decided to post just a few days after I initially wrote and edited it.

With all that said, I don’t hate the original poem or have any plans to take it down. That poem had more to do with trialing an uncomfortable rhyme scheme, and I think it did come out uncomfortable, so in many ways it was a success.

The issue was not that the poem was bad; rather, it was that three lines in its second stanza kept needling me because how much I like them. Those were the lines “But the rain didn’t lightly sprinkle; it poured./And I realized umbrellas just aren’t enough/as the winds all around me snarled and roared.”

There was just something about the imagery of those words that I felt held so much more power than the straight-forward letter-like style that defined the rest of the poem. I worried that I had wasted them on that poem.

Then, I remembered that it’s my blog and my intellectual property, and I get to make the rules.

I can write and rewrite and rewrite and just edit the original post or make a new post or delete the post altogether. I can even reedit a poem privately and eventually release it in a book.

So the poem above is a new one based around the three lines I love so much.

12 thoughts on “A Rewrite: I Think I Might Want More”

  1. kinda zimmy there! you know? bob dylan
    shelter from tha storm
    you can love someone and not like them or marry them or live with them
    take care who you let make love to you you have more to lose as a woman
    that may seem a sexist statement on the surface
    but i am a man and i know how men think
    outside to your inside
    the little head
    aka phallus
    can indeed interfere with quality
    you are a friend
    well written
    pray continue!

    Liked by 1 person

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